I do not love the term social distancing

Social distancing is actually spelled out in Wikipedia as a “non pharmaceutical intervention”! WTF! This made me laugh and cry at the same time! I am offended by this in the same way I am offended by speed bumps. Where is our agency? Can we not look out for ourselves? Our community? Who is it that thinks we are so categorically stupid? I’m curious...

Let’s look at this term, “social distancing”. Here are the top definitions for the word social; “relating to or designed for activities in which people meet each other for pleasure”, “needing companionship and therefore best suited to living in communities”. And it’s etymology; “late Middle English: from Old French, or from Latin socialis ‘allied’, from socius ‘friend’.” This crisis-time term demands critical analysis; should I “distance” my self from my allies and from my friends? I would have to say absolutely not in this time of stress and uncertainty. Should I “distance” myself socially from my acquaintances? I need them more than ever. This usage of the word “social” is inaccurate. And what about the insidious nature of this usage? Are we actually being encouraged to be separate? To place an emotional distance between each other? That is a question for a whole other article! “Physical distancing” is much more precise to the need at hand.

Two college friends I lived with 37 years ago and who have been friendship anchors though many phases of my life have resurged. I found myself needing support and some additional communication beyond my partner. I reached out to my two college chums. My partner has her needs for woman to woman communication. A way for one woman to understand the needs of another woman, mother, female and be heard in this unique time. And to be sure our intimacy has increased. Shut up in the house together we are again learning new things about each other, our love is increasing and this o a wonderful! And still I need to talk with my bro’s about their perspective, and I need to talk to the man at the check out counter and to commiserate with the men up on the plaster scaffolding about the goodness of them having some work to do in this crisis.

The words “physical distancing” have less stigma. This distancing makes sense. The virus can be spread by contact. But social? This person in front of me could be my friend, my colleague, my worker, my daughter over face time who lives 1,322 miles away, my partner. These people in front of me are essential. It’s anathema to suggest I should be “socially” distanced from my daughter. I need her. I need to talk with her. The fact that we live in different geographic areas at the moment does in no way imply that I would be socially apart from her. Quite the contrary; I want to speak with her more. Ask her about school. Get her youthful and honest take on the circumstances. I want to share with my colleague about the specific details of struggle endemic to contracting. I want to talk with my worker and know that he has what he needs in this time of work stoppage. I want him to know that I support him getting unemployment benefits. And I want to reconnect with my friend. Years may have gone by between having meaningful conversations, but right now is the time to learn about his brother and mother, his growing son. “Social distancing” then, is perhaps a criminal miss understanding of the English language? This usage implies that I should shutter myself away. A dear single friend of my sister found herself alone in her apartment. Away from her students, away from her colleagues. She called up my generous sister and explained that she had now self quarantined for three weeks and could she please come and live with her and her family through this crisis? My sister said absolutely, unequivocally, yes! And so the social distancing was replaced by an increase in connections and a love and trust flowing between friends. This brought tears. This is so good!

The irony is that I am becoming still more social while “physically distancing” myself! My Beloved said; “This shirt was not made by me”. I really heard her. And she said; “it’s time to feel the closeness of the woman in the Philippines who has made my shirt”; it turns out we are all so very connected. It’s so clear in this crisis. My awareness of Chinese people in Wuhan who final assemble my iPhone. And my awareness of people in Spain who bake bread for their pueblo. And the Italians I admire who make fine wood working machinery; the Costa Levigatrici, is the finest industrial planer/sander that exists.s

And so I say no; NO to social distancing. I say yes to physical distancing as I participate in my society, in my world. Physically we work our understanding of illness and of transfer. We are doing our best to moderate biological exchange. We are doing our best to mitigate droplet transmission. Yes. And while we do this incredibly hard thing, physically distancing ourselves from each other, which is anathema to the deeply connected and social nature of the human being, we actually become closer, more intimate.

We grow in our humanity.

Thank you dear reader,

Andrew